Oooooooh no you did not.

I got a call from the library recently, letting me know that there was a book on hold for me and I needed to come pick it up. The title was Finding Colin Firth.

Me: "Um, I think there may be a mistake. I didn't put that book on hold. It sounds awesome, but I've never heard of it."

Library staff: "Well, it has your name on it."

Me: "Really? Uh. Okay then!"

My guess is that one of the other librarians saw it and figured I would want it if I knew about it and so went ahead and put me on hold. This is why librarians rule.

And I did enjoy the book. It was a sweet read about three women whose lives converge one summer in a gorgeous seaside town in Maine where Colin Firth (of whom they are all big, big fans) may or may not be coming to film a part in a movie. Also one of the women bakes really good practically-magical pies, which I always enjoy.


When first we meet the pie-baking woman, she is at home baking while simultaneously watching the Colin Firth BBC version of Pride & Prejudice, and the Wet Shirt Scene keeps making her mess up her recipe. As it would. A few pages later, she gives all her attention to the cinematic moment she has been waiting for, where Colin Firth utters these immortal words:

"If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH. (Or whatever sound the record needle makes in that one sound effect.)

Yeah. Anybody else know what's wrong here?

Colin Firth never SAID any of that blubbery stupid "I love, I love, I love you" mess. That was all 2005 Matthew Macfadyen to Keira Hipbones Poutyface McKnightley in the field just before the weird hand kissing nonsense. Jane Austen never wrote any of that, Andrew Davies never wrote that, and I refuse to believe that Emma Thompson had anything to do with it either during the uncredited re-write she did of the script.

It jolted me out of the story so completely that I had to stop reading and do this massive rant to GH, and then call my sister Jenny and tell her about it too. Just, wow. FAIL.

And now that I've told the Internet about it too, I'll let you all get back to your Mondays. Mine consists of toilet training. Go ahead and envy me. I've got carpet cleaners coming on Wednesday, so I figure now is the perfect time to get pee everywhere.


Monica said... [reply]

Wow, that's a pretty big mistake for a book geared toward Jane Austen/Colin Firth fangirls!

Good luck with the potty training, my boys weren't finished until they were 4 and I thought I might kill them first.

Jessica said... [reply]

As I was reading that quote, I could feel the rage building.

AmyJane said... [reply]

Haha, Kearis and I were just arguing about which of the P&P's is true and right. She's 17 and apparently from the wicked and perverse generation. :)
Potty training. Ugh. I refuse to do that thing with any child under the age of 3 ever again, but I wish you all kind of success and skillz. It is my crappiest arena in parenting, pun intended.

abby said... [reply]

It looks like you have a black male picture of the Dark Lord on the Internet. I'm sure his future girlfriend's will squeal in delight over it.

Bridget said... [reply]

Yeah, woah, what a mistake! That seems so sloppy, considering the book's audience.

That said...I kind of love that other version. Not to the detriment of the One True Version, of course, but sometimes you need to get your fix in fewer than five hours, you know?

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

True confession: I love that line . . . or maybe just the way Mullet McFayden delivers it. He and Kiera just, well, to borrow from Sister Meyers, smolder.

Still, recognized immediately this horrible error. It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Who is NOT going to find problems with that? Oh, right, EDITORS.

Saskia said... [reply]

So sorry to tell you this, but I've only seen the detested version. I have, however, read the book many times, I hope that redeems me a bit.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Yeah, part of me is wondering if I should even bother with the baby coming so soon. But he is getting it so I feel like maybe I will miss a window if I quit ...

Nemesis said... [reply]

Jessica, glad I'm not the only one who went ragey!

Nemesis said... [reply]

Amyjane, that really worries me about Kearis. I mean, by all means ENJOY the new one but let's not get crazy here!

Nemesis said... [reply]

Abby, for a second I thought you were talking about something racial and I could not figure it out!! But yeah. Pictures like these are probably why kids get emancipated down the road.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Bridget, I absolutely hear you on the merits of the Less True Version! It's also very pretty to look at, I think.

Nemesis said... [reply]

STM, I know, RIGHT??? Where were the editors on that one?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Saskia, you will never need redeeming, although you DO need to get some TRUE P&P on. I don't detest the version, just that line. It puts me to mind greatly of a rightly-mocked line from Singin' in the Rain. ("I love you, I love you, I love you...")

Kelly said... [reply]

Wait, Emma Thompson did a rewrite of that script? I had no idea. Still don't really care for that movie.

And, yeah, what Monica said. How could you make such a flub when you KNOW your target audience will have that all memorized.

emandtrev said... [reply]

I like the record screech. I really did hear it in my mind. Yeah...that's what I will call an unfortunate error. Urgh.

Good luck on the potty training! I really should start, but it will probably be another month or two before I actually get some momentum/desire (not really) to get started. Sigh.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Kelly, there is a special "thank you" to Emma Thompson in the credits! Because she is just awesome.

Emandtrev, about the potty training . . . yeah. I think I'm the one who's running out of steam there, not him.

elliespen said... [reply]

Hear, hear! (Or is it here, here? Either way, Amen!)

Missy W. said... [reply]

Ugh, The real Jane Austen was never so ...obvious...

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