PBS Kids Giveaway and Dinosaur Train at Hogle Zoo!

Behold, my very first giveaway, and it's to do with public television! That's all the warm feelings, right there.

You all know how much I love me some Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, and PBS is basically my SLA dealer. It brings good things to my life, like Sherlock. It's what I watch when I'm up in the night feeding babies (Downton Abbey Season 1 with the Tiny Dark Lord, The Paradise Season 1 with Loki). Did you know they even have apps that let you watch stuff? Best. Ever. 

And then I learned about PBS Kids, which is basically how the Tiny Dark Lord coped with me ruining his life (ie., creating a sibling). During those rough first weeks months after Loki arrived he just wanted to watch Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, over and over and over again.

proof of the Daniel Tiger love

TDL goes through phases now of loving Daniel Tiger, Curious George, Dinosaur Train, and Peg + Cat. I must say the Peg + Cat is my least favorite. Yes, it helped him learn to count by twos and stuff, but it also taught him to say things like, "OMG" and "I am toootally fuh-reaking out!!" Anyone else out there feeling me on that one?

Dinosaur Train, though, I really like. (Alternate title: "Hey, grownups. Everything you learned about dinosaurs as a kid is wrong, neener!")

Now we come to the point. This Friday, August 8th, KUED Kids (the local PBS Kids affiliate) will be at the Hogle Zoo for a "Dinosaur Train Classic in the Jurassic" event from 10:00am to 1:00pm. There will be hands-on activities and crafts, obstacle courses, educational goodies to take home, a mobile educational lab where you can try the new Dinosaur Train app, and a sneak peak of the new Dinosaur Train Classic in the Jurassic special (airing on August 18th). So if Hogle Zoo is still on your Summer Bucket List (or if you're looking for an excuse to go back) this would be a great day!

If you print this ad from their website you can get $1 off your Hogle Zoo entrance fees. Or you could stop by a Les Schwab Tire Center and grab a couple of their Hogle Zoo "Buy 1 Adult Ticket, get a Kid Ticket Free" coupons.

So, here's where the giveaway comes in. The good people at KUED are sending me a box of goodies to give to some lucky blog reader!

We've got books, pencils, stickers, a photo holder, and temporary tattoos! Your dinosaur fan will approve. And then will want to rush out and get a real tattoo because apparently that is what temporary tattoos do. Or something. To enter the giveaway, go ahead and leave a comment by 11:59 pm MST on Thursday August 7th. I'll randomly select one winner and announce it here on Friday (and I'll get in touch with you if you include your contact email in your entry).

For extra entries, here are a few other fun and personally fulfilling things you can do. You get one extra entry for each thing, just leave a comment telling me what you did!

Like KUED Kids on Facebook
Like KUED on Facebook (because hi, everyone should)
Like Hogle Zoo on Facebook
Share this giveaway on Facebook

On Thursday night we are seeing the Paul McCartney concert in SLC, so it's going to be a late night. If I can drag my sleepy carcass back down to Salt Lake on Friday morning I might see you at the zoo!

TM and © The Jim Henson Company. All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: KUED Kids contacted me about this event and offered goodies to give away, plus a couple of extra stickers for the Tiny Dark Lord.

Oooooooh no you did not.

I got a call from the library recently, letting me know that there was a book on hold for me and I needed to come pick it up. The title was Finding Colin Firth.

Me: "Um, I think there may be a mistake. I didn't put that book on hold. It sounds awesome, but I've never heard of it."

Library staff: "Well, it has your name on it."

Me: "Really? Uh. Okay then!"

My guess is that one of the other librarians saw it and figured I would want it if I knew about it and so went ahead and put me on hold. This is why librarians rule.

And I did enjoy the book. It was a sweet read about three women whose lives converge one summer in a gorgeous seaside town in Maine where Colin Firth (of whom they are all big, big fans) may or may not be coming to film a part in a movie. Also one of the women bakes really good practically-magical pies, which I always enjoy.

HOWEVER.

When first we meet the pie-baking woman, she is at home baking while simultaneously watching the Colin Firth BBC version of Pride & Prejudice, and the Wet Shirt Scene keeps making her mess up her recipe. As it would. A few pages later, she gives all her attention to the cinematic moment she has been waiting for, where Colin Firth utters these immortal words:

"If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH. (Or whatever sound the record needle makes in that one sound effect.)

Yeah. Anybody else know what's wrong here?

Colin Firth never SAID any of that blubbery stupid "I love, I love, I love you" mess. That was all 2005 Matthew Macfadyen to Keira Hipbones Poutyface McKnightley in the field just before the weird hand kissing nonsense. Jane Austen never wrote any of that, Andrew Davies never wrote that, and I refuse to believe that Emma Thompson had anything to do with it either during the uncredited re-write she did of the script.

It jolted me out of the story so completely that I had to stop reading and do this massive rant to GH, and then call my sister Jenny and tell her about it too. Just, wow. FAIL.

And now that I've told the Internet about it too, I'll let you all get back to your Mondays. Mine consists of toilet training. Go ahead and envy me. I've got carpet cleaners coming on Wednesday, so I figure now is the perfect time to get pee everywhere.

Sherlock Season 3 Teaser

Update: Sorry about the missing video earlier! Anyway . . . 

Ahem.




I do love me some Sherlock.

Holy dang, Sherlock

Are you guys watching Season 2 of Sherlock on Masterpiece? Did you watch Season 1? Because so help me if you are not then you are missing. out. Go repent and make restitution. You can catch Season 1 on Netflix or see if your library has it.

GH and I watched the three 90-minute episodes of Season 1 last year and both told everyone we knew about them--GH more than me, I think. Just think of everything that the Guy Ritchie/Robert Downey Jr. movies did wrong (hint: they were action movies instead of brilliant detectivey movies), fix all of it, multiply to the 10th power of better, set it in contemporary London, make Watson a blogger, and you've got it.

Things that are awesome about Sherlock:

This show has me, for the first time in life, finding Benedict Cumberbatch attractive. Like, by a lot. Must be to do with the hair. Or perhaps the general brilliance and also skills. Either way, he is perfect as Holmes.

I love Martin Freeman as Watson. He was great as Tim in The Office, is great in this, and he is going to be great in The Hobbit, along with my friend Richard Armitage who I feel certain will push previously understood limits of dwarf attractiveness (my prediction, you saw it here).

The guys all wear scarves. Oh, British men . . .

Rupert Graves plays Inspector Lestrade. I love me some Rupert Graves. Remember that one time when he was Freddie in A Room with a View? That was awesome.

Moriarty is one evil freak but so help me I was starting to dig him during the pool scene. That is how crazy good these people are.

We just watched Sunday night's episode (the season premiere) and man it was good. Loved all of the Sherlock Holmes/Irene Adler stuff. Loved, loved, loved.

Run, don't walk, friends!

Has anybody else seen Sunday night's episode? Any thoughts?

Two things

Thing #1:

I bought milk at Costco yesterday and checked the box to be sure it came from "cows not treated with rBST*" (a bovine growth hormone to increase milk production). And, as I always am, I was irked afresh at the message following the "*". ("No significant difference has been shown between milk derived from rBST-treated and non rBST-treated cows.")

Will you please tell me where else in the world a company who is trying to promote their own product is legally obligated to ALSO provide advertising for their competitors?

Does the Mexican Coke made with sugar have to slap a label on their bottles that says, "Not that there's anything wrong with corn syrup! Corn syrup is awesome! You could buy that too and I'm sure you'd love it!"

Do the yogurts who use beet juice as a coloring agent have to backpedal and say, "But I'm sure Red #40 is also great!"

Do the soy sauces and soups made without MSG have to qualify their "No MSG" label with "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Does creamy peanut butter have a label that says, "Not that we're saying crunchy is bad! Just because we chose to be creamy that doesn't mean there's a problem with crunchy!"

No. No they don't. But for some reason it's just really, really important to some people (coughMonsanto-who-created-rBST-and-then-sued-the-first-dairy-who-dared-to-put-a-label-on-their-milk-stating-that-they-were-not-using-it) that no one be allowed to get the idea that it might be more desirable to have less chemicals involved in the creation of your food. And somehow it's the dairy farms who don't want to use chemicals who are responsible for sending out that message. The FDA doesn't require the extra disclaimer but does recommend it (see above regarding the part where Monsanto will sue you if you don't provide them with free advertising).



Yes, it's true that there may be no significant difference when you test the milk. But there is a significant difference in the cows that are injected with the synthetic hormone--they experience much higher rates of lameness and mastitis (udder infections, as in pus in the udder where your milk also is). Because farmers were having to cull so many of their sick cows (as per Monsanto's recommendation), some decided that the production gains weren't worth it and just produced the same amount of milk minus the expensive drugs and pus and killin's.

Anyway. That disclaimer bugs me. For all those reasons. That was Thing #1.

Thing #2:

I leave for the Shakespeare Festival tomorrow (yay!) but was thrilled to learn about a little something that will be waiting for me when I get back.



Rufus Sewell (also known as your boyfriend and mine) is turning up on Masterpiece Mystery this Sunday in Zen, a new three-part miniseries about an Italian police detective. I am guessing you might want to make some time for this.

Any Human FART, more like

Sorry I urged everyone to watch Any Human Heart. I saw the first episode and don't think I'll bother with the rest. It maybe should have been called, I'm a Selfish Jerk Who Makes Stupid Choices and Then Feels Picked on, Also All My Friends are A$$holes.

Meh.

SLA heads-up!

This Sunday PBS begins airing Any Human Heart, starring Matthew McFadyen (also known as the attractive but still lesser Mr. Darcy). It's based on a 2002 novel that I'd never heard of before: Any Human Heart: the Intimate Journals of Logan Mountstuart by William Boyd.



The novel (and film) follow Logan Mountstart (played by 3 different actors at different times of his life) as he has adventures and gets to know people like Ernest Hemingway, Ian Fleming, and the Duke and Duchess of Windsor (also known as ex-King "I Like to Fornicate and Abdicate" Edward VIII and Wallis "I'm an American and Hitler's Okay" Simpson). The couple is played by Tom Hollander and Gillian Anderson, which I think should be a treat.

So here's hoping that it's excellent and that when PBS speaks of Mr. Mountstart "pursuing writing and sex with equal vigor" (or should we say vigour) they don't mean that this is going to be a naughty show. I just checked though and the rating is TV14. So we should be okay. Unless of course you were wanting some spice to get Valentine's Day kick-started. In that case, sorry.

Getting your Firth fix

In honor of Colin Firth winning Best Actor at the Golden Globes on Sunday, I have a treat for you.

And yes, I'm operating here on the certainty that his GG nomination and win were deserved and right, unlike some of the other wacky calls that weirdo Hollywood Foreign Press Association makes. (Jennifer Love Hewitt nominated for Best Actress of anything? Especially for a TV movie where she plays a massage therapist who turns to prostitution to make ends meet, as so awesomely recapped by the Fug Girls?)

But anyway. Back to the point. A couple of years ago a movie called Easy Virtue came out.


I noticed it because it had Colin Firth in it. I read the description and learned that it's about an American woman (played by Jessica Biel) in the 1930s who meets and impulsively marries a Brit (played by Prince Cathhpian) in Monaco and is then taken to England to meet his family on their vast estate. Colin Firth and Kristen Scott-Thomas play the parents.


Kristen Scott-Thomas is the proper English lady who is horrified at her new American (gasp) daughter-in-law with her modern ways and her smoking (double gasp) and her career as a racecar driver (gasp and then fall over dead). She sets out on a campaign to run the floozy off.


Colin Firth plays the shaggy dad who just wants to be left alone to putter in the garage.

My initial thoughts: Meh. If Colin Firth isn't the romantic lead then I don't want to waste my time. Also if he's going to be shaggy and weird. And I don't want to watch a Jessica Biel movie. Also the DVD cover was not that cool yellow one above but this other kind of lame one. So I passed. A week or so ago, though, I saw it on Netflix and decided to give it a try.

Friends, I was so wrong about this movie. Turns out that first of all it's an actual SLA, being based on a play by Noel Coward (which, hi, means that unless some moron rewrote all his dialogue then it should be pretty darn witty). So, yes, witty it is. Jessica Biel did not bug me like I thought she would, and the rest of the cast is great (special mention goes to the butler, who was my favorite). I found that I actually quite enjoyed watching Colin Firth play a sardonic, can't-be-bothered sort of person. He is the only family member who welcomes his son's bride and doesn't look for every opportunity to judge her.

And then?

He finally shaved and this may or may not have happened.


That's all I'm saying.

SLA updates!

If you have not started watching Downton Abbey on PBS, you need to go get on that. I'll wait. The first episode from last Sunday is right there on the website, have at it.



Done? Good.

First off, this is not technically a S(umptuous) L(iterary) A(daptation) because it's an original screenplay, not one adapted from a book. Only you can't even tell, and I would totally read this book.

The basic set-up is this:

The Crawley family (made up of Lord Crawley, his American (gasp!) wife, and their three daughters) lives in Downton Abbey. Also living there are all the servants. Living down the road is snobby grandmother Maggie Smith, which, awesome. (She gets to says things like, "What's a weekend?")


Not awesome is the part where the Titanic just sank and took with it Lord Crawley's 1st cousin and the man's son. They were next in line for the estate, and now they need to figure out who the next nearest male relative is. The title and estate is entailed, (remember your Sense & Sensibility, friends?) which means that not only can it not go to Lord and Lady Crawley's daughters (sexist) but that the massive American dowry Lady Crawley brought across the pond with her will also be going to some distantly-related stranger. Nice one, England. Anyway, that's the basic premise, plus a ton of above-stairs and below-stairs intrigue, gossip, flirting, manipulations, and awesomeness.



This is a great one to watch if you love to play that classic game, "Shriek the Name of That British Actor and the Names of the Other Films or Plays in Which You Have Seen Them." It'll keep you busy. You can also do what my sister Jenny and I do, which is to only refer to the characters by the names of the other characters you have seen them play. This why the new valet with the bad leg is called Nicholas Higgins (North and South, yay Nicholas!), why the new heir, a middle-class lawyer from Manchester, is Edward Ferrars (Sense & Sensibility, with me yelling for him to stop inadvertently hurting the servants' feelings with his modern ways but instead to go find some wood to chop in the rain already), and why the smarmy money-grubbing suitor from London is called simply Stardust (also, jerk-wad).

It's fun, too, to shout out predictions ("Secretly gay! Secretly gay!") and threats ("Ooooooh, ladies maid! Someone needs to cut you in the FACE!"). Maybe you could create your own drinking game. Or, in my case, brie-eating game.

And you will want to do all these things because this movie sucks you right in. It is so, so good. And there are still three episodes to go!

In which Masterpiece Theatre saved my bacon

I was almost dead to my sister this week, because I forgot to tell her that Masterpiece Theatre was bringing back the good stuff--most notably, Return to Cranford. Remember that one time when they aired Cranford and it was super good and made me sob until my face chapped? Yeah, it's still really good.


The good people at Masterpiece Theatre have put all of it online so you can watch it there for the next couple of weeks. It is good that they anticipated I might not be on the ball this year, woops. And this way my sister won't kill me for failing her.

I have only seen the first half so far, but the second half is waiting for me on the Tivo. Turns out that GH, in a testament to the depth of his true and extreme love for me, recorded it even though it meant that the 2nd half of the Golden Globes would NOT be recorded. For a movie/TV nut, that really is love.

Because he couldn't watch the Globes, he got online to follow some of the live blog feeds to try and keep up with the awards.

GH: You know Avatar's going to win.

Me: Yeah, and then James Cameron will get up there and say something stupid.

GH: I read somewhere that he worries he'll make a fool of himself if he wins any awards.

Me: Yeah well, it's a valid worry for Mr. "I'm the King of the World." Watch him--he'll get up there and say something in that stupid Nefertiti language from the movie.

GH: Uh . . . it's Na'vi.

(Says the man who actually saw the movie. In 3-D. At an IMAX theatre. To be fair, though, he hasn't felt the need to see it again, unlike all the weirdos who keep going back three and four times.)

Me: Uh huh. Bet you money.

(Five minutes later)

GH: Yep, Avatar won. [pause] Oh my gosh, you were right! James Cameron totally spoke Na'vi.

Me: (smugly) Of course he did.

GH: How did you know he was going to do that?

Me: I just asked myself what's the [Massengill]iest thing he could do up there. And then, he did it.

GH: I love you.

But back to my duty as Masterpiece Theatre Alerter, tomorrow night is when the new BBC Emma miniseries begins, starring Romola Garai as Little Miss Kind of Needs a Smack, Dumbledore as her grumpy dad, and Johnny Lee Miller as Mr Knightley.





Aw to the yeah. I do love me some Johnny Lee Miller (also known as Edmund from 1999's Mansfield Park).

Happy watching, friends!

So you have time to get your Netflix on

The Valentine's books post made me start thinking about favorite romantic movies and I think we should cover those too. I asked movie buff GH if he has a favorite romantic movie, to which he told me that guys do not think of movies in those terms. So then I asked if he has a favorite regular movie which contains a male-female relationship that inspires odd little stirrings known as feelings within his breast. The closest I got was Season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So there you go.

But here are the ones that come to my mind, and I'd love to hear yours. It should come as no surprise that a lot of these are film adaptations of books I already love.

ps. It was really, really hard to narrow this down.

My Top 10, in chronological order.

A Room with a View (1986), also known as Movie with the Best. Kissing Scene. Ever.

Groundhog Day (1993). Love the moment when Bill Murry tells the sleeping Andie McDowell, "I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life."

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

Pride & Prejudice (1995 or 2005). Pianoforte Look. 'nuff said.

While You Were Sleeping (1995). When Sandra Bullock talks to the comatose Peter Eyebrows Gallagher, she asks, "Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person really knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with." I think we've all been there. Also, please ignore Bill Pullman's hair.

Sense & Sensibility (1995)

Emma (1996). "I rode through the rain! I'd ride through worse if I could just hear your voice telling me . . . that I might have some chance to win you." Back when Daltongirl was my boss at BYU, I snuck onto her computer and changed the settings so that a picture of Mr. Knightley appeared at startup and this sound byte played. I flatter myself I was quite the technical genius in those days. And that there was definitely not enough security on those computers.

You've Got Mail (1998). "That caviar is a garnish." Also me and Sakhmet agree that it's ridiculous when Meg Ryan rumanites about how she lives a "small life--meaningful, but small." Owning your own Manhattan business and attending caviar & wine parties with the book publishing elite is not living a small life. Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping, there's a small life. "All day I sit in a booth, like a veal."

Notting Hill (1999)

Amelie (2001) Paris? Check. Gorgeous red & green palette? Check. Sweet, inventive, funny story? Check check check.

About a Boy (2002). The romance here takes a bit of a back seat, since Hugh Grant has to grow a heart (and grow up) first.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

North & South (2004). "Look back. Look back at me."

Jane Eyre (2006)

Lars and the Real Girl (2007). I don't know if I fell more in love with Lars or with the town that was so sweet to him.

I know there are other wonderful classic love stories (like the screwball romantic comedies of the 30s and 40s) but these are the ones I pull out over and over again.

Also, it's interesting to look at the timeline here. I hear critics talking about how The Age of the Romantic Comedy is over and from looking at my list that certainly seems true. Not one typical romcom from the last 9 years is on there. I've had to turn to the SLAs and the quirkier stuff to find characters and relationships that are actually compelling. It may be that my tastes are changing, but I don't know that that's true, since I still love those 90s movies. Does anyone else have any thoughts on that?

SLA update

So I know that normally this time of year I would be writing all about the new Masterpiece Classic season and getting on here with heaving bosom to talk about my new British boyfriend, but here's the thing: They started with Tess of the D'urbervilles.

Because they want us all to watch it, stand up, walk to the bathroom, stick our heads in our toilets, and drown ourselves in despair. (Which, by the way, means we'll miss the rest of the season. Way to plan that lineup, PBS.)

It's just that I hate that story. Hate, hate, hate. It's so depressing, it makes Jude the Obscure look like a frothy romcom starring Kate Hudson. I tried to watch it this week but about 20 minutes in I had to turn it off because I knew what was coming. I mean seriously, this poor girl. She has absolutely no chance for happiness because the men around her insist on either 1) raping and impregnating her, 2) refusing to baptize her illigitimate rape-baby when it dies, or 3) marrying her and then abandoning her off when she turns out to be "impure."

I can't take it. If I want to be that depressed about the state of women I'll go watch reality TV. Or Bride Wars.

I'll write more when they move on to Wuthering Heights (yet another feel-good crowd-pleaser).

(But ps. Laura Linney is doing a much better job so far as host than Gillian Anderson did. For starters, she actually seems awake.)

Yay, it's going to be Christmas

GH and I just picked out and set up our beautiful, beautiful tree. When we walked onto the lot I asked one of the employees what the pricing scale is and he said it depends. So I pointed to the nearest tree (about 7 feet high) and said "Okay, how much would that tree be then?" He answered, "I would say about $63 for that tree, but it's negotiable."

Okay. Sixty-three dollars? Seriously?? Anyone want to take any guesses about where on earth he was pulling $63 out of? Nothing even adds up to 63! And for a 7-foot tree???

"Yeah, okay then, where would the $30 trees be?"
"Oh, those are in the back and to the left, but everything's up for discussion."
"Uh huh."

Later two other employees found us and said that their colleague was new and basically talking out his ear--that those nice big trees were actually $39. So I told them I loved those trees but I only had $30 to spend. And they said we could have one as long as we tell 5 friends. I'm going to go above and beyond though and tell the WORLD. Check out the Christmas tree lot at 1128 E Fort Union Boulevard in the Ross/Michael's parking lot. You can talk them down, and they'll tie the thing on your car for you.

Now that my duty is finished, let us speak of Christmas movies. I would like to make some suggestions that are not part of the usual roundup. Do not even get me started with White Christmas and their odd songs about liverwurst and generals, because you just don't want that.

Here is my list:

Joyeux Noel. I saw this for the first time last year and love, love, love it. It's about the temporary Christmas truce between British, French, and German troops during WWI. Have Kleenex handy, and be ready to fastforward over Diane Kruger's boobies if you don't actually need them to be a part of your festivities. (Also, Amazon may try to tell you it's rated R but it's really not, they're on crack. It's PG-13.)


Under the Greenwood Tree. It opens on Christmas Eve in 1870s England with the Christmas-caroling Dick Dewey getting his first glimpse of the new village schoolmistress and falling into deep smit. Heady, heady stuff.


The Muppet Christmas Carol. You probably already know about this one and watch it every year, but whatever, it's my blog. I'm including it. Keep an eye out for the part where Beaker flips off Scrooge. You know, if you're 12 like I am.


Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. Remember that one time when Harry Potter was little and cute and didn't go up on stage nekkid to stab horses? Yeah, me too. The Christmas scenes in this movie, especially when he sees his parents in the mirror of Erised, are so sweet.


Meet Me in St. Louis. You just try watching Judy Garland sing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas on Christmas Eve to her sad little sister without losing it. Try.


Little Women. It'll make you want to go awassailling, especially if Laurie (Christian Bale) is along for the ride. Just be sure you take some ibuprofin about 1 hour in so that when Beth dies you don't get a motherawful headache trying keep the tears back, gentlemen.


Love Actually. I saw a Cleanflicks version of this film and they hacked it all to pieces. I need to give it another go, if only because look who all's in it! Seriously!


And here two alternative Christmas movies that did not make the cut.

Gremlins. I can't actually watch this movie because it traumatized me as a child. And my sister Jenny can't watch it either because I used to creep up over the edge of her bunkbed in the middle of the night while making Gremlin sounds. So, you know, we're both victims here.

I know everyone puts the first Die Hard on these lists, but I say whatever to that. The only reason I would watch that movie would be for Alan Rickman, He Who Uplifts and Betters All Things.

Does anyone have any others to add to the list of must-sees?

Conversation between me and my new director

As she saw the library's copy of Wives and Daughters get checked back in:

New Director: That's the best movie.

Me: Yeah, it's really good. Have you seen . . . North and South?

(this is absolutely a test)

ND: OH yeah. Love that one. That last scene is pretty much perfect.

Me: At the train station? I know! OH! Or what about the part where she drives away in the snow--

ND:---And he's like, "LOOK BACK! LOOK BACK AT ME!!!!

Me: Baaahhhhhggghhh!



And then we embraced and started sobbing. As would you.

Except we didn't really.

But I think we'll get along okay. People who like North and South are generally right-thinking, I find.

And here's another one, just because it's Thursday and I like you.

This is what I'm TALKING about

So last night I settled down to watch the new Sense & Sensibility as part of the Estrogen--sorry, the Jane Austen Season.

And yeah. I am really liking it. I think my favorite thing about it is that it's not 90 minutes long. I should have known something was up when I kept seeing things like thoughtful, deliberately paced scenes. And beautiful lingering shots of the countryside. And conversations that exist solely for character development. It was a novel experience, given how dang rushed the rest of these recent adaptations have been.

Plus, it's Andrew Davies, and I think you can automatically calm down when you see his name in the credits. "It's okay, I'm Andrew Davies. I gave you the Wet Shirt Scene. I know what I'm doing."

Now for other impressions:

The first two minutes of the movie spice things right up with a bosom-heaving seduction scene. And even though they don't say who it is, you know it's Willoughby and that poor Eliza. Which is kind of a smart move, really, since the seduction sets off such an important chain of events. Plus, it's one thing to hear Alan Rickman intone "She was . . . with child . . . " and fill in the blanks. It's another to actually see it and think, "Oh that's right. Willoughby totally lied to, knocked up, and then ditched that poor orphan girl. Willoughby sucks, dude!" (Note to Alan Rickman: Never stop intoning, though. Never stop.)

Fanny Ferrars Dashwood. She is a nasty, nasty snake of a woman. The actress playing her is brilliant and I want to slap her until my hands cramp up.

Lots of characters that were cut out of the Emma Thompson screenplay have now been reinstated. It's loads of fun to meet everybody. People I can't wait to meet next week: Lucy Steele, who I'm hoping to loathe entirely, and Bavmorda as Edward's mother. Nice one.

But speaking of Edward, I absolutely have a new crush. He is so, SO sweet an' cute. Both Spitfire and I really, really like him so far. No stammering and mincing about here, Hugh Grant.


Willoughby is too short. But he's played by our BF James McAvoy's cheeky friend Spencer from Starter for 10. So we'll give him a pass on that one.

Colonel Brandon is growing on me, even though I always associate David Morrisey with his role as the completely cracked-out homicidal schoolmaster Bradley Headstone from Our Mutual Friend. I'm slowly getting used to the idea that he is not going to be beating anyone to death with an oar during this movie. Unless Willoughby keeps asking for it.

It's nice to see characters played by actors who are in the right age range. I'm loving Elinor, and Marianne is sweet even though the actress is no Kate Winslet. Some of you may have seen that brown dress Marianne is wearing before. The boobage may have thrown you off, though. I understand.

Never thought I would say these words

But Masterpiece Theatre is so high up on my craplist right now.

Last night I watched Persuasion, which you will remember I've been looking forward to since about the 5th of EVER. I had a couple of girlfriends over, there was hot chocolate, cookies, a somewhat-mangled peach tart, and every good thing.

Things started well enough, but about halfway through Spitfire (who watched the YouTube version with me, squinting at my laptop, back in April) commented that things certainly seemed to be moving forward quickly. I said that yeah, since the movie is only about 90 minutes they kind of had to do that. But then I realized that we'd missed a scene--the one where Captain Wentworth is standing on the Cobb in the rain in Lyme Regis (don't ask me why people think it's fun to go walk in the rain and the wind like that). Anyway, he's talking with his buddy about how much he still loves Anne and what an idiot he's been. So he decides to go win her back. And they have a man hug, and it's precious. Totally not there.

Then I realized that some scenes felt a bit shorter than I remember them being. And I started thinking, "Hey, wasn't there a part where . . .? " a lot.

But then, then. We come to The Big Moment at the end with The Big Kiss.

It was cut twice to make it shorter.

Which is when I very nearly tore off my own head and threw it at the TV screen. I have no words to even express how I feel about that. Only inarticulate screeches and violent gestures.

Come ON, people! It was a short movie to begin with! What's up with the editing? Is it because of Gillian Anderson's incredibly lame intro? Did they need to make time for that? You do not CUT a lovely scene of Reconciliation and Longing and Kissing for Gillian Flipping Check Out My New Madonna Accent Anderson! You don't! Ever!

So. Here's what's gonna happen. The DVD is being released tomorrow. I've preordered a copy for the library, and it should come in on Thursday or Friday. I will take it home and watch it. If my scenes are not back where they're supposed to be, I will kill everyone. And then I'll purchase a UK version, get my b-in-law to strip the region coding, and watch that instead. And if the Digital Millennium Copyright Act people come after me, I'll just show them the two versions. Then they'll understand, and they'll probably ask me to burn them a copy.

To see the REAL last 7 minutes of the movie, complete with every last second of bosom-heaving, go here. No knowing how long the clip will be up, though!

Either way, MP is getting a strongly-worded letter from me about the hack job. And possibly a flaming sack filled with dog poop.

Get ready to OD on Sumptuous Literary Adaptations

It all begins tonight. Changes are afoot at Masterpiece Theatre, including the recruitment of Gillian Anderson as a new host. Which makes sense now that she's basically British. Will be listening on Jan 13th to see if she and Madonna share the same mid-Atlantic accent. As will a whole lot of X-Philes, I'm sure.

Anyway, Scully will be hosting the "Masterpiece Classic" portion of the season, which will include the Jane Austen Season, a new adaptation of Room With A View, a Judi Dench & Co. miniseries, and some film starring Daniel Radcliffe's Eyebrow.

Tonight and next Sunday they're rebroadcasting last year's Best Jane Eyre Adaptation Ever, which I believe I have already mentioned and shown to my friends and urged you all to watch even if it means locking the other members of your household up in the cellar. Really. You deserve this.

But then, THEN on January 13th the Jane Austen Season starts with Persuasion. Remember about Persuasion? And how we've waited 9 months for it to be aired in the US? Because yeah. If you're a girl and are fortunate enough to have a supportive and drama-appreciating Significant Other who likes to watch SLAs with you, then you may want to tell him to skip this one. He might be offended when your bosom starts heaving and you launch yourself off the couch to go do filthy things to the TV screen. Do like my sister Jenny is doing--throw a Bosom-Heaving Persuasion Party with your like-minded friends. Be sure to wear coordinating Victoria Secret pajamas--they're all the rage.

Great new Christmas Tradition

So I have to say, my favorite part of Christmas was the girls-only sleepover. We kicked out all the boys, put on our coordinating red underwear and pajamas, and had ourselves a great time. There was lots of giggling and lolling about and teasing and snapping of the waistbands of other people's underwear. Also a pillow fight. We invited some of our girlfriends to come on over, one of whom snuck in a can of whipping cream by holding it in her cleavage. Oh, the mess and squeals we made during the whipped cream fight!

Oh. Wait, sorry. That wasn't us. That was the girls from the Victoria Secret commercial that's on the air now and which is driving me slowly out . . . of . . . my . . . mind.

If there are any guys out there who think this is what we do at our sleepovers, you can stop thinking that. At our sleepovers we eat lots and lots of food and watch Sumptuous Literary Adaptations and the only sexy thing in the room is Mr Darcy. Or Mr Thornton. Or Captain Wentworth. Or, you know, any of those guys. We are not the sexy ones, I can promise you that. We don't wear pushup bras and we don't lie around staring at our cleavage and twirling our hair. We don't make out with our girlfriends or sisters and hope that you'll stop by and join in. And buying us Victoria Secret underwear and pajamas is not going to make us more likely to do any of these things.

I'm sorry, but I figured you deserve the truth.

Yeah. I tag myself.

But I'm going to say that the lovely Desmama tagged me.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago

1. Starting my new campus job, cleaning urinals from 4:00am to 7:30am every morning. Betchyall didn't even know how hard core I can be! And boys, seriously. What is with the leaving of the newspapers on the floor of the bathroom stalls? That's just gross.

2. Enjoying new short haircut--the result of a previously mentioned rappelling incident. Unfortunately, did not know how to properly blowdry new short hair and so wandered around with hair pyramid on head.

3. Living in the dorms with Miss Hass, Audra (my room roommate, who called me Eugene, which I still answer to in the manner of Pavlov's dogs), Lady Steed, Skippen, AA, and other fab folk.

4. Eyeing RMs (Returned Missionaries) with trepidation because I knew they were just after one thing, and I wasn't about to get married until I was at least 19. I think my plan worked a little too well.

5. Believing that I knew Absolutely Everything and that there was no such thing as a gray area, ever.

5 things on my to-do list

1. Go back in time and learn the cello instead of the flute. The flute is nice and all, but cellos sound like rich, dark, chocolate.

2. Go to a conference tomorrow where I will meet up with the delightful MBC and her library posse for lunch. Wheee!

3. Try to stop being so fabulous all the time.

4. Finish Christmas shopping with limbs, sanity, and bank account intact.

5. Find new British boyfriend, since all my usual ones keep getting married, which is rude of them.

5 things I'd do if I were a millionaire

1. BUY a British boyfriend. Hah!

2. Invest most of it, because I'm dork like that. And then I would read my statements compulsively up in the tower of my mansion and cackle with delight at the growth.

3. Take my sisters and my mom on a fabulous trip.

4. Buy myself that cottage in Derbyshire

5. Stockpile my home with all the imported cheeses and chocolates I could get, and then invite cheese-loving friends over to gorge ourselves while watching Sumptuous Literary Adaptations. (Although, now that I think of it, I might not need to wait for millionaire status to do this.)

5 things I'd never do again

1. Feed my little brother coolboy clamjuice by telling him it was lemonade. I still feel bad about that one, but only because my family won't let it go.

2. Get a perm

3. Um.

4. Huh.

5. Actually, I don't have loads of regrets. But I do feel really bad about the clam juice. And the perms.


5 favorite possessions (was "toys," but I don't really have many of them, unless you count the sunroof on my car)

1. My down comforter which I love so much that I compressed it and hauled it to England with me. Best. decision. ever.

2. My rainbow book shelves

3. My previously-mentioned collection of Sumptuous Literary Adaptations

4. My sand jars.

5. The love and adoration of the most precious children alive.

(photo taken without permission from my sister's blog)

5 things I've read recently

1. The Omnivore's Dilemma, to get my liberal pinko commie groove on

2. The City of Ember, for book group

3. The ingredients list on a box of Western Family Stuffing, which was terrifying.

4. Last Minute Knitted Gifts, because I'm working on a surprise . . . shhhh!

5. An LDS novel recommended by Desmama, who knows my distrust of LDS fiction and says this particular writer is worth reading. She didn't put any pressure on me, just said that if I don't like it then we can't be friends anymore.

Man-candy Thursday

Sorry you had to wait so long for this post. And sorry that most of the male readership won't consider the wait worth it. But oh well. I have estrogen. Deal with it.

For those of my friends who have not discovered James McAvoy (pronounced MAC-uh-voy), it's time you get on that.

I first noticed him in Chronicles of Narnia, wherein I couldn't help taking more than a passing notice of Mr. Tumnus. Which worried me a little bit, and made me wonder if it's right to be attracted to a goat. Only come on! He was sweet and brave and cute and he believes in a Free Narnia, people!

And then he started cropping up in all kinds of places, it seemed. He played Paul Bettany's skeezy younger brother in Wimbledon, and was, for me, the hilarious bright spot in an otherwise forgettable movie. So yay, he's funny too! Then I saw him as Joe Macbeth in the BBC's Shakespeare Retold series. (Which, seriously? If you haven't tracked these down then you are no kind of Pretentious English Lit person, and frankly I'm disappointed in you. There's still time, though.) Anyway. Turns out he can do the drama and the tragedy, and that his natural Scottish accent is quite easy on the ears.


I went to see Becoming Jane with some girlfriends over the weekend. McAvoy plays Tom LeFroy, who was (according to this movie, anyway) the love of Jane Austen's life. And seriously? Even though I don't believe hardly anything the movie script says, and even though I didn't think Anne Hathaway was great as Jane, I was still totally crying at the end. I would cry for anyone who doesn't get to marry this guy.

Also? If I ever do watch Becoming Jane again, it will only be for him--specifically for the Ballroom Scene. Some of you ladies know what I'm talking about. It was the part where he suddenly appears and all the women on my row Gasped At the Hotness. You had to be there.

And now he's in the new adaptation of Ian McEwan's Atonement, which looks so good that I can't even stand it. Only I just know it's going to be tragic and everyone is probably going to die or be miserable. Haven't read the book yet, so don't spoil it for me! (I picked it up last year and started it, but I was unemployed and stuff and just really was not in the right frame of mind for tragedy. And I still might not be, considering that something as fluffy as Becoming Jane put me into a hormonal tailspin. The moment will come, though.)

Anyway. James McAvoy. Am adding him to my list of UK boyfriends. Life would be simpler for me, surely, if I could only fancy more American and Canadian actors. Because we probably would have more of a future together.