3.07.2014

Whiny McWhinerston covered in vomit

Except it's not just vomit. It's also drool, and pee, and poop, and formula, and spit-up, and sometimes the food that I spill on myself all by myself without any help from children.

Little Loki has started projectile vomiting again. Am praying this does not mean I need to switch formulas again because the only options left are soy or hypoallergenic gold dust. Since he doesn't seem uncomfortable I'm hoping this is just a temporary weird thing. And that one day I will stop getting hosed down in cottage cheese.


It's hard being the most beautiful baby that has ever happened.

The Dark Lord and I are potty-training. He does really well, except for the part where he doesn't tell me he needs to go to the bathroom until he has already done it. In his pants. And then he's all, "I need to pee!" And I'm like, "Well, clearly you don't, because you already did it." I'd been putting a diaper on him at night but every morning the diaper was dry. So last night I kept him in his underwear with the plan of taking him to the bathroom as soon as he woke up. I make such awesome plans, I tell you. What happened instead was that he woke up with dry underwear, crept downstairs in ninja silence while I slept, started playing with his toys, and then released 12 hours of stored-up urine onto the carpet. That's when he called me.

I will not even TELL you about this morning's poop adventure. Just know that it involved a trail.

I swear I'm not cut out for this. There is so much less poop at the library. And when someone does poop on the library carpet or furniture there is at least a chance that I won't be the one to clean it up.

Plus GH's car has been in the shop for the last twelve million years (read: 10 days) so I'm stuck at home in the rain without a car and it is maybe turning me into a crazy feral kind of person.

Am living for tonight, because we have tickets to this fancy cool showing of Lawrence of Arabia put on by the Salt Lake Film Society at the Broadway. There is going to be champagne, which I will not be able to drink even though I could really use some I bet, and a red carpet which I will walk on in a dress not covered in bodily fluids SO HELP ME.

In other, also positive news, I finished knitting that cowl I was working on and I love it!







Here's hoping your weekends do not feature you wearing bodily fluids as accessories and/or perfume!

23 comments:

Sherry said... [reply]

We're wrapping up potty training. (Only one accident in the last seven days!) On the down-side, the reward for an accident free day is the freedom from taking a nap. Consequently my afternoons are not as quiet and child-free as they used to be. My sister-in-law says you can potty train when you're ready and it will take 2 weeks, or you can do it when they're ready and it will take 2 days. I didn't want to wait any longer, so we stuck it out for the full 2 weeks. It really did take about that long.

Rachael said... [reply]

My word, that is a lovely child. Our first was a projectile vomiter as well and that is no fun. I.mean, she seemed fine with it, but my husband really didn't like when she barfed in his mouth. Twice.

lilcis said... [reply]

The pictures of your beautiful baby almost make me want to have a child of my own. Your stories about potty training and projectile vomiting do not. Thanks for keeping me secure in my choice to remain barren. ;-)

Kelly said... [reply]

Good thing that baby's so cute, otherwise I fear he'd be in danger of being left in a box by the side of the road.

Beautiful cowl! Did you knit the hat and socks on Little Loki too?

Lindsay said... [reply]

My bet is that the vomiting is just a passing phase. All 3 of mine had varying degrees of reflux, which I've learned, both from the professionals and very messy experience, peaks at 4-5 months. Even the child with "silent" (i.e. non-projectile vomiting) reflux started spitting up like there was no tomorrow at about that age. So lovely. So before you invest in that hypoallergenic gold dust, maybe hang on a little while longer? Especially if he doesn't appear uncomfortable.

brinestone said... [reply]

I think you are accurate in your assessment of your baby's unbelievable cuteness. I agree about waiting to potty train until they are ready to do it. It's the only great potty training "trick" I have. I've had three very spitty (projectile vomiting) babies, all breastfed. So it may not have anything to do with the formula. It may, but it may just be the way his body works.

Liz Johnson said... [reply]

Yesterday before 8:30, I cleaned poop off of: my kitchen floor, my dining room carpet, my bedroom carpet, my coat (THAT HAS TO BE DRY CLEANED), my baby's hair, and I had to do an entire outfit change for three people. Including socks.

Motherhood is so gross, and poop is so gross, and puke is so gross, and it's no wonder that we started outsourcing this crap. (ha! punny!)

We do NOT get paid enough.

Cathy said... [reply]

At the risk of alienating all other family members, I must state that little Loki is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Not that I don't love the others just as much.
Love the cowl.

Jenny said... [reply]

He is beautiful. Potty training is for suckers. Sucks to be you! I've decided when I have to do it in 3 years I'm sending baby Stella to one if those preschools/daycares where they potty train for you.

Rachel Ward said... [reply]

I have 5 children. If I could pay someone to potty train them all, I would. It is the worst thing in the world. Set a timer for like 2 hours and make him go when it rings. It is the only way I got to my kids before it was all over the floor. The absolute best of luck and condolences.

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Sherry

Sherry, yeah, we're having to do the 2+ week version. I can't keep buying elephant-sized diapers for this one . . .

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Rachael

Rachael, is it wrong that I totally just laughed at your poor husband? Because I did.

Nemesis said... [reply]

@lilcis

Lilcis, whatever you need! I'm there for you.

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Kelly

Kelly, thanks! I did knit the hat and legwarmers too (the legwarmers were back when the Dark Lord was tiny). And now my father is super offended that both his grandsons look like they belong in Flashdance.

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Lindsay

Lindsay, I'm going to hang on to your words in the manner of a person gripping to a cliff's edge. Thank you!

Nemesis said... [reply]

@brinestone

Brinestone, thanks! Am going to hang on to your words too. :-)

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Liz Johnson

Ugh. UGH. That is so gross, I am so sorry! And no, we absolutely do not.

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Cathy

Mom, I'm pretty sure this is how he plans to buck the middle-child syndrome. (If, indeed, he should become a middle child.)

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Jenny

Jen, I think that sounds like a genius idea and I support you. I would gladly outsource this mess.

Nemesis said... [reply]

@Rachel Ward

Rachel, yeah, that's pretty much what I'm doing. Two hours does seem to be the sweet spot, except for the surprises like yesterday's "I'm going to sneak downstairs at Nana and Grandpa's house and poop my pants 40 minutes after going to the bathroom" delightfulness.

Desmama said... [reply]

That cowl is so so so cute. But not nearly as cute as that baby of yours. Like you go and have a darling BOY as soon as we wrap things up over here in Orchard House. ;)

Saskia said... [reply]

Those eyes! That might really just be the most beautiful baby in existence.

sarah said... [reply]

Potty Training is of the Devil.

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