I am officially a victim, or, how I nearly died

So get this! Someone totally tried to break into my house with me inside it and I had to call the cops and everything!

Last night I cooked myself dinner (spiral pasta with nastyish carbonara sauce, broccoli, and shredded mature English cheddar--quite tasty) and then walked out of the kitchen, planning to take the pasta upstairs to my room. Those of you who remember my stairs, and the part where tobogganed down them on my butt, will remember that there's a window at the bottom of them, which faces the front road. There's a pedestrian walk-through just next to my house and a bus stop in front of my house, so it's quite common to see people outside. Also it was just after 6, so it wasn't dark yet (but it would be soon).

As I walked toward the stairs I noticed a man out the front window. At first I thought he was standing at the top of the walkway, but as I got closer to the window I realized that he was actually standing in my driveway. And I thought, "Huh. I don't know that guy." Also I noticed that he was carrying some sort of cricket bat or hockey stick or other implement in his hand, but that he was too old to be one of the high-school or university students. He started walking up the driveway toward the window, looking all shifty, but then he saw me. He turned and ran, yelling, "Someone's home!" Which, you know, kind of blew his cover right there, as WR later pointed out.

So then I thought, "Huh. Why would he care if someone's home?" (Sometimes it takes me a second to connect the dots.) But then I realized that my landlady's car wasn't there, and that it had gotten a bit darker while I was in the kitchen and I hadn't turned any other lights on yet. The house had probably looked dark and empty from the outside. "Wait . . . was that guy and his friends actually planning to try something on a busy street next to a bus stop and a pedestrian walkway when it's still light outside? How stupid could you be??" I ran upstairs and looked out the back window to see if he and his friend(s) were out there, but I couldn't see anyone. And I started compiling a list of physical characteristics for when I called the cops.

Caucasian male
Mid to late 20s
Short dark hair
Stocky build
Under 6 foot (I'm no good with heights. To me most people are just "tall.")
Wearing black trainer jacket and dark jeans
Carrying some English-type club

Then I noticed Cicada on IM so I told her what happened and asked if I should call the cops. She confirmed that yes, I should, if only to report that there's suspicious activity in the area. So I did and I told them and I felt very much like a concerned and responsive citizen. Only then they asked if I was alone in the house, and that's when my stomach sort of dropped a bit. Because logically I had nothing to worry about anymore--it's not like they would go back to a house they knew wasn't empty.

But I started thinking about what would have happened if I'd been in the kitchen a minute longer. I would have been alone in there when they smashed in the front window. Of if I'd gone upstairs a minute earlier, and if they were instead going around to the back door, which would have been smarter because they wouldn't have been seen as easily. But I wouldn't have known anyone was there until I heard the door open and 2+ men come in. And then I would have had to decide whether to risk going downstairs and surprising them in the hope that they would run away, or whether I should stay upstairs in my room and call the police on my cell phone and just wait for them while the people downstairs break and damage things and possibly touch eat my chocolate chips and then make their way upstairs, with me not knowing if they had guns or knives or what (and yes, some people do have guns, even if this is England).

And that started making me feel a bit rattled. I texted WR and he called and I told him what happened. He was pretty impressed once he knew I was okay and everything. "Wow, you are an official victim of a crime! I've never even been a victim of a crime!" Which is funny, since he lives on Drug Dealer Street. But he came over to make me feel safe again, and it worked. And because I could have died, we watched the first segment of Pride and Prejudice, which made me feel lots better. I think WR hasn't quite caught the vision yet, but he will. And he did laugh several times. And sometimes it was over actual funny things, instead of the non-funny things like the first words of the film. WR burst into loud hooting laughter and started making fun of Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy's accents. "Ew yaaarsh, it's nothing to PEMbuhLEEEHH, fwah wwrar yeerrsh BLAH!" And I had to tell him to shut his face or there would be no sausage rolls or pitcher of gravy with a straw in on Sunday.

But, back to the part where the house was almost burgled. Needless to say, I am very very grateful that I came out of the kitchen when I did. And I have to attribute it to the Lord looking out for me. I'm so lazy about remembering to pray over my food when I'm by myself, but last night I remembered to. In the prayer I also asked for health and safety, and 3 seconds later I walked out and startled a burgler. So let that be a lesson to everyone about why we bless our food.


Anonymous said... [reply]

Pride and Prejudizzzz

Nemesis said... [reply]

WR, is that you? I know it's not my dad because he's asleep. And just for that there will be no sausage rolls. Also I forgot them while I was at the store.

Kelly said... [reply]

Oh my goodness! I'm so glad you're ok!

Lady Steed said... [reply]

Maybe you just could have offered the burglars a big pitcher of gravy....

glad you are safe. someone breaking into my apartment is one of my biggest fears.

JB said... [reply]

Wow. What a day to catch up on your blog again! Glad to hear you're alright. Maybe I should pray before I eat...

WR, brown gravy probably isn't all that great for you, so just remember that Heart Disease is Britain's Number 1 killer. Fear the pie!!

Savvymom said... [reply]

Only it would've been a whole lot cooler if the guy was like 'Someone's here! Someone's here!' and looked like Brad Pitt. Better luck next time.

CoolMom said... [reply]

Okay, thing #1: I am so glad you are okay, but I could take a little of the credit because I only pray for all of you guys about three times a day, especially the ones who live in dangerous places like Iraq and the UK. Soon, I will pray more for Savvyfam, who will be living in another very dangerous place, and then coolboy, who will be serving a mission in who knows where, I only pray it will not be a dangerous place, or Spitfire, if she ever makes up her mind.

Thing #2: You probably weren't in any real danger because it was probably those two idiots from 101 Dalmations, who couldn't get it right if they tried.

Thing #3: Has WR had the sausage gravy w/ the biscuits yet? That's a heart attack waiting to happen also, and tastes much better. So, over all things are okay.

Thing #4: Where was Julie's cat? Doesn't it know about gaurding the house? That's why I have a dog. But I did feel a little safer when unmanagables 20 gage was camping out under my bed with a very large box of ammo nearby. But I'll settle for the dog.

Savvymom said... [reply]

Mom I hope you're talking about the cartoon version of the movie, because we do not talk bad about Hugh Laurie in our family OR call him an idiot.

Th. said... [reply]


I hope not. Since I supposedly look like him.

But then, I also supposedly look like Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise (?), and Crispin Glover, so you can imagine how much that means.

Anonymous said... [reply]

Coolmom...correction on the previous home security device. That was 12 guage, pump action, riot style. A nice burglar deterrent.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Thanks Kelly, me too!

LS--it's one of my biggest fears now too! (Just after sharks.)

Hi JB, it's good to hear from you! And thanks for backing up both me and the American Heart Association.

You know, Savvymom, if the burglar had looked anything like Brad Pitt, then this story would have ended much differently. "I got Lucky."

Mom and Anonymous, you do both know the rules for when you are legally allowed to shoot a burglar, right? Such a trigger-happy lot up there in Alaska . . .

Word, Savvymom. Exactly what I thought. Hugh Laurie can rob my house (bwah!) any day.

Um, Th.? I don't think you look like any of those people. But I do think (and I'm sure anyone would agree) that you are both nice-looking and intelligent, so that shouldn't make you feel bad.

chosha said... [reply]

I'm glad you're safe.

I just watched P&P again night before last and I couldn't bear handing it back to the DVD rental place. I need to buy it, and now! That moment where Elizabeth says, 'Well then' and they almost (but don't) kiss. Oh my goodness, so beautiful. /le sigh/

jaime said... [reply]

Nemesis, I am so glad that you are safe and everything turned out okay. I have to agree that because I live alone one of my biggest fears is someone breaking into my apartment. I am afraid I have become a little obsessive about it...ALWAYS locking my door and stuff. Oh well. I commend you for thinking calmly and clearly and calling the police and all that good stuff.

Glad you are safe!!

TannerJ5 said... [reply]

You could have shot him with your taser you bought for the college lab idiots(Mentioned earlier) I told you you'd be forceful.

kristen said... [reply]

So glad you are safe Nem. I couldn't help but be reminded of the time we called the cops because of the 'suspicious' emergency awareness guy who came knocking on our door one Sat. morning. Your situation is of course a real one. Buy yourself a taser and some mace, and keep a knife under your bed. Hopefully this guy is too stupid to come back.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

Isn't it nice to know that you had to power to scare away a scary burglar? Glad to hear that you're safe.

Hope you had fun with P&P. I have decided that I really and truly like the new version almost as much as the first one. Although, it doesn't have Colin Firth. Or a large pond. Or a soaked Mr. Darcy. Sigh.

The Walrus said... [reply]

If they HAD broken in, you could've knocked them out by putting P&P on.
Seriously though, we have 3...no, 4 different lock/security things on our door, so they'd have a hard job breaking in without anyone noticing.
Not that it's a rough neighbourhood or anything- my parents love having loads of keys.

April said... [reply]

That's really scary! I'm glad you're okay! I actually have been burgled (hahahahaha) before, but never while I was at home. Yikes.

The Craner Family said... [reply]

I am glad you are okay too! And I will make sure that I pray over my food from now on...

Cicada said... [reply]

Reminder to Nem and CoolMom: Hugh Laurie was one of the 101 Dalmatian burglers, so you really wouldn't have been bad off there... I'm just saying.

Also, I'll point out to everyone that I'm the best friend because I was first on the scene. I may have been last to read the blog about it, but I was first on the scene, darnit!

Th. said... [reply]



I don't think so either.

But thanks for the nice words.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Chosha, you make me laugh. "le sigh. . . "

Thanks Jaime. And hey, at least your doors have deadbolts. Not all the houses here (ie, MINE) have them.

Tanner, I'm thinking tasers might just be the answer to everything, really.

It made me think of that one too, Kristen. But you have to be vigilant, even if the suspicious people DO turn out to just be harmless church folk! :-)

So true, DMA. The new P&P has none of those things. mournful sigh . . .

Walrus, you and WR should get together. Oh wait, no you shouldn't because there will be NO anti P&P groups here, thank you very much.

Thank you for your kind words April, and for laughing at the word "burgled." Only they totally say that over here.

Yes hannah, see that you do! ;-)

Um, cic? Did you not see the part where I pretty much invited Hugh Laurie to come rob me? And yes, you were first on the scene. It has oft been said that a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Sure thing, Th. I'm a builder.

Nemesis said... [reply]

So the very smart Cicada pointed out something that I should have realized: namely that I was pretty much broadcasting the fact that my house is break-into-able, and that someone on the Internet might try to figure out where I live and come break in.

So. Here's a little note to all you potential burglars. We actually have a very good burglar alarm system, which we set every time we leave the house. So, you know, just so you're aware.

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