9.04.2009

Languages of Luuuuuuurve

Some of you may have heard of the 5 Love Languages, as outlined by Dr. Gary Chapman. (I've also heard other people refer to it as "love currency.") The basic idea is that people give and interpret love differently, so it's important to understand how to best show love to those around you and to let them know what kind of gestures are the most meaningful to you.

I started thinking about this a couple of months ago and wondered if it might be helpful to see if GH and I are actually doing the things that mean the most to the other.

SO. Here are the different Languages of Luuuurve, according to this one guy:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch


Turns out my "primary love language" is Physical Touch. I have been suspecting this for a little while. Also this is funny because I'm not an incredibly touchy person normally. But it turns out that in romantic relationships I'm a big toucher, which makes a lot of sense when I think about how as a dater I was always about thiiiisclose to getting myself into trouble. This is probably why Heavenly Father thought it would be best for my eternal soul if I didn't date very much. (Note: it would have been helpful to know if that was the reason my ovaries were spending all that time shriveling.)

Now, it would be nice if GH could be one of the Physical Touch people too. Then we could just spend every day fused to each other and both be happy as clams. He is very good at being married to a toucher, though, and never even says words like, "What the heck, Remora Woman, give me my space!"

But it's not the remora action that makes him feel the most loved and appreciated. Instead, he is an Acts of Service person. Which means that to make him feel special I may actually have to get up off my butt and do stuff for him. To him, nothing says "I love you" more than "Hey, I just took care of your oil change and your car registration so now you don't have to do it."

So here's him: "Wow, if Nem would take care of those errands for me that would be amazing. I would feel so loved."

And here's me: "What am I, your mother? Don't your legs work? I don't ask you to run MY errands, do I? GOOOOooosh!"

This was before I got it about the Love Language thing. Sure, I think it would be easier if I could just, like, touch his knee every now and then. Cuz that's free and I don't actually have to expend much energy to do it.

But I'm trying to be better. I even conducted an experiment last week to see about filling GH's, ahem, "love tank." His younger sister is getting married at the end of the month, and he's doing a video for them (like the one he did for us). She gave us a whole bag of photos, but we needed to pick which ones to use and then scan them. GH was not looking forward to this part. So while he slept I chose the best 40 pictures, scanned them, cropped and edited them, and got them all organized in one folder, which I left open on the computer. I also went to Costco and bought a huge pack of paper towels, which I'd been holding off on doing on account of they kill trees. Except GH loves them and has been sad and mopey and (and this is the real problem) less kitchen-cleany ever since the previous Costco pack wore out. So I bought them and put them in the middle of the living room floor. Because our kitchen table would have collapsed under their bulk.

The plan was that he would wake up and when he went out to get his cereal he would see the paper towels. And THEN when he sat down at the computer to catch up on all his nerd websites, he would see the folder with all the scanned and ready-to-go images. And then he would be all overwhelmed with love for me and might even send me an email at work declaring said love.

Which is pretty much exactly how it happened, so I think I am possible on to something here.

And now am off to work like a busy beaver until I can go home and begin my birthday weekend. I turn 30 tomorrow, y'all! Will be bidding farewell to my twenties with homemade chocolate raspberry cake courtesy of my sister Jenny. Which will take quite a bit of the sting out, I am sure. I hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!

19 comments:

goddessdivine said... [reply]

Man you're old. (Yeah, look who's talking....) Welcome to the 30's club. I've decided that's when your health takes a nose dive and your metabolism decides to be lazy.

Happy Birthday!!

Bean said... [reply]

First off, happiest of birthdays to you! I hope it's wonderful!

Secondly, my husband and I are exactly like you and GH. I get like you...."I'm not your mother, you go do it!" But definitely helps remember that's how they feel loved.

Very good post. Love it. If it helps, pretend I touched your arm. ;)

Stephanie said... [reply]

happy birthday! (tommorow)

dans love language is also service. i wish he were a toucher too, or even words of affirmation, it would be so much easier.

such is life.

Azúcar said... [reply]

Happy Birthday.


And I am Acts of Service too.

Audra said... [reply]

I and I are both definately:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time

So we say "I love you" and "Best Friend" a lot. And we both LOVE to spend time together. Which makes us procrastinate other things we should be doing.

Levi is touch too. I am touchy feely except when I am stressed. Which is often.

Since we have the same love languages it makes it easy. We do the other 2 not mentioned above as well, but they are more few and far between!

Happy birthday by the way! When did we become 30? Wow!

Mrs. Clark said... [reply]

Nice video. Nice of you to do all those things for GH. Turning 30 is great--but that metabolism stuff gets even worse at 50, so enjoy it while you can!

Jaime said... [reply]

Happy, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day. Like goddessdivine, welcome to the 30's club...it's not all bad. :)

Giggles said... [reply]

Yeah for the 30s!!! I did it last year and LOVED every minute of it. It was such a relief to no longer be just a silly 20-something who didn't know any better. There is no way I would pretend to be 29 forever like some people seem to. Happy Birthday!!

chosha said... [reply]

Hey, we are the same starsign. My birthday is on Monday. 30 is a great age. I was just reflecting how crazy it was that you ever used the s-word (spinster) in relation to yourself when you were so YOUNG! Anyway, excellent work with the photos, that was a great idea to show GH some lurve. Hope your birthday weekend is awesome.

Desmama said... [reply]

Happy, happy birthday, Nemesis dear! I'm not sure which love languages I fall under, but I think Darren is touchy-feely and I'm an acts of service-type. Or a surprises type (which I know there isn't one, but I love me surprises. I don't think he's figured that out yet.)

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

The problem is that men never read these books. So while you are busy figuring HIM out and doing what HE needs, he is still thinking, "Get off me woman." Well, not all the time; he is a GUY after all. ;)

30 was a revelation for me I am loving the 30's.

abby said... [reply]

I had a friend read that book and it changed her marriage. They didn't now what was special to either of them, but now they know and they have been going strong 8 years later.

I hope GH showed you his love in your love language on your birthday. Because it's your birthday, and it makes you special.

Terresa said... [reply]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Terresa said... [reply]

I dig the love languages...just need to read the one about children's love languages, now that my husband and I have figured out what ours are.

You are one young Librarian! Turning 30 was a great high of my older life (I'm 37 and counting the days until I'm 40. True story.). Life just gets richer the older you get...

PS: I'm also an LDS Librarian but separately...that is, I'm LDS and also a Librarian (MLIS w/Children's lit emphasis). Glad to meet you!

Kelly said... [reply]

Happy birthday! Sorry it's a bit late.

The 30's have been pretty darn good thus far, I must say.

I have this book and should dig it out. I am also Physical Touch and have decided that is also why I didn't date much. That sounds much better than maybe a lot of boys didn't think I was hot. Much better.

AmyJane said... [reply]

Yay for happy birthdays! I tried to call you on your actual birthday and for some reason it said it couldn't connect my call. It was retarded. Anyhow, I'll have to call you this week sometime and we can pretend it's your birthday again, ok?
Also, I have to say, Sean and I are reversed Love Language people of ya'll. He's the touchy one and I just like him to do stuff for me. We've actually seen a lot of good come from being aware of this. For instance, he used to get all grumpy with me when we were with my family because I didn't "pay any attention" to him. What that turned out to mean is that there was no touching, cause I was too busy. When I started mentally reminding myself to touch his shoulder as I passed by, or hold his hand while we all watched movies or something he was WAY happier to let me do my family thing the rest of the time. But yes, he ends up doing more work to make me happy. Acts of service is a tough bill to fill.

Lady Steed said... [reply]

Theric is a paper towel guy too. I am not, we never had them in the house growing up. In Theric's house they use them all of the time (and killed acres of trees!). I still can't bring myself to actually purchase paper towels, but I do allow Theric to do so. However, I have not noticed that having them around has resulted in more kitchen cleaning on his part.

I think Theric and I are like you two, only reversed.

Hope you had a good birthday. Being 30 is kind of weird but not quite as horrible as I had anticipated. I'm sure the cake eased the transition.

emandtrev said... [reply]

Happy Birthday! Welcome to the club. :)

I'd be willing to bet I'm a Words of Affirmation person. Then again, maybe I should read the book to figure it out. I'm very impressed with your photos/paper towels project (and success)!

Audrey said... [reply]

Hooray for the 30s! So far it's been a great decade for me. Hope it is an equally happy one for you.

My husband and I read the love languages book over the summer and it turns out that he is Physical Touch and I am Acts of Service, both with Words of Affirmation as a secondary language. It was a most excellent book and did great things for our marriage, even if I did feel insanely corny reading it.

Also? That bunny is mighty impressive.

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